Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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