I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
