Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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