Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
