No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
