I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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