I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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