Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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