Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
