If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
