i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
