Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
