What a fucking waste of an outfit
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize