Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
