Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize