thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
