There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
