please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I did not marry a roomba.
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