I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
