Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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