Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize