Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
