i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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