i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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