my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
