I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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