watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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