I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
