i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
