dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
