Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
