Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
