no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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