what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
