Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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