i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
