If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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