Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
