I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I died a long time ago.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Randomize
