Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
