alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
