Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize