Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
