He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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