I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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