Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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