you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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