i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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