____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
