So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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