oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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