He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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