Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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