Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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