your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
