Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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