Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
