last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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