I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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