i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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