I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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