you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
