his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
