On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize