My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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