Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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