the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
