Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
