hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
