I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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