Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
