He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize