I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
